Duncan Jones shoots for the "Moon"

There have been quite a few allegedly great films that I've missed this year, so with awards season kicking into gear, I figure I might as well try to catch up now. After finally getting "Inglourious Basterds" and "The Hangover" under my belt, next in the queue was...

MOON (2009)

"I am the one and only."

Such poignant verse to describe the lonely, desolate nature of the moon, the place where Sam Bell (Sam Rockwell), a contract employee for a corporation mining the moon for alternative energy on Earth, has spent the last three years destitute of civilization.

"Moon," the freshman project of director Duncan Jones, is a triumph; a taut and thrilling science fiction adventure without the frills of contemporary outer space cinema. Conjuring up the echos of genre classics "2001: A Space Odyssey" and "Alien" as well as recent successes like Danny Boyle's "Sunshine," "Moon" is a terse, atmospheric film that succeeds in capturing the reclusive nature of the great beyond.

"Moon" has enough twists and turns to keep audiences interested, though despite its brisk 97 minute runtime, "Moon" tends to bog down in its midsection. However, a slow-moving middle isn't enough to bring "Moon" down as the flick benefits from a tour-de-force performance from Sam Rockwell, beautifully sterile production design, and a brooding, atmospheric musical accompaniment from Clint Mansell.

Though "Moon" presents nothing particularly new thematically with its presentation of space and its critique of big business, its translation to a lunar setting is fresh and commendable. Despite not being the spectacle of other recent sci-fi blockbusters like "Star Trek" and "Transformers," "Moon" is a thrilling, smart, and wonderfully lensed science fiction tale that shoots for the moon and succeeds in every way.

A-

"The Hangover" is the filmic equivalent to an actual hangover

Spoiler: The story of "The Hangover" is based around the fact that the four lead characters are accidentally roofied. As for me, well, I would have voluntarily roofied myself before watching "The Hangover" had I known what was about to pillage my senses for two hours.

THE HANGOVER (2009)

"The Hangover" has done something unimaginable. Without getting too hyperbolic, "The Hangover" has joined the ranks of cinema's greatest comedic achievements, alongside such titles as "Schindler's List," "Requiem for a Dream," and the part in "Bambi" when Bambi's mom died.

It's that unfunny.

But what can you expect from a film that appeals to the lowest common denominator? "The Hangover" is a celluloid wet dream for every frat guy in America; every bro's desire in life fulfilled. Really, it is...

Get drunk. Go to Vegas. Forget everything.

And what's up with this cast? Apart from Zack Galifianakis stealing the show, the rest of the non-farcical foursome falls horribly flat, with "The Office" star Ed Helms falling the hardest.

The biggest problem with "The Hangover" is one that tends to be particularly problematic for comedies: it's just not funny. It aims to be comical and misses the mark wildly, ultimately being 100 minutes of unfunny exposition that builds up to an unfunny denouement.

A blending of "Three Men and a Baby," "Tommy Boy," and "Old School," "The Hangover" winds up being a tremendous misfire; a flick that runs its duration without more than a snide snicker or an occasional throwback to an unoriginal plot device. Easily the most wildly overrated film of the year, "The Hangover" is a complete swing-and-a-miss that does little more than appeal to the popped-collar inside all of us.

D

"Inglourious Basterds" offers up fun... and body parts

I remember the weekend "Inglourious Basterds" came out. It was the weekend I puked up my kidney, had a 137 degree fever, sweat away 20% of my body weight in water, and lost my appetite for four days.

Bright side? I was thin and sexy. Down side? I missed the opening weekend for "Inglourious Basterds." A short review ensues.

INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS (2009)

You can usually pick out familiar cues in auteur cinema. Kubrick had the long tracking shots. Hitchcock had his focus on camera tricks.

Tarantino has gratuitous instances of intestines and brain matter being sprayed in your face.

"Inglourious Basterds" is no different from the other chapters in Tarantino's bloody library, only this time, over-the-top gore complements a pulpy, oh-how-we-wish-it-turned-out-that-way take on Hitler's Nazi reign during World War II. Though dialogue runs rampant, almost to the point that the film's 152 minute runtime starts to slack, the silly, overly-cinematic use of poetic (or in this case, historic?) license results in a fun, though incessantly gory, historical satire.

Despite being pedantic in pace as well as serving as a medium for Quentin Tarantino to jerk off to human carnage for mass audiences, "Basterds," benefiting from wondrous and exuberant performances from Christoph Waltz and Brad Pitt, serves up a fun, gory, and overly theatrical fictionalized account of World War II sure to rouse audiences, most especially in its final thirty minutes.

While talk of "Basterds" being the best film of the decade might be a bit of hyperbole, "Inglourious Basterds" is still a two-and-a-half-hour celebration of cinema that brings together superb storytelling and eccentric thespianism in successful form.

A-

"The Princess and the Frog" teaches stereotypes to a new generation

Brought to you by the same civil rights activists that gave the world "Song of the South," comes...

THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG (2009)

Let's face it. Pixar pissed people off.

When Disney/Pixar's "Toy Story" opened to unforeseen success in 1995, purists proclaimed it the end of an era; the death-blow to the long reign of hand-drawn animation. Disney's "Nine Old Men" were now "ninety-year-old men." Computers were in. Paper-and-pencil were faux pas.

A decade-and-a-half later, and under the supervision of John Lasseter as executive producer and Chief Creative Officer of Walt Disney Animation Studios (and ironically the founder of Pixar), Mickey and company are back doing what they do best, though sadly, their un-retirement isn't up-to-par.

"The Princess and the Frog" tells a familiar fable of ordinary Disney proportions. Though character work is fleshed and thoughtful, the story lacks any sense of iconic weight that propelled previous hand-drawn Disney classics to fame. Musical numbers at times pull their weight in heart and charm, but at other times are superfluous and boggy.

The animation here recalls the films of Disney past, though at times the computer-enhancement seems jarring. Still though, Disney's flourishing color palettes shine and the classic character designs pull through, making "The Princess and the Frog" a trip down memory lane that's worth the price of admission.

However, the one problem plaguing "The Princess and the Frog" is one that the hand-drawn Disney films have had for decades now and have shown an unwillingness to change. "The Princess and the Frog" has no qualms bringing stereotypes to life, moreso typecasting the people (and animals, I guess) of Louisiana as toothless, jazz-loving Cajuns who want to do nothing more than eat gumbo and play with voodoo.

Is that really something you want to perpetuate in your child's head?

Regardless, "The Princess and the Frog" serves as an adequate memory-jolt of the classic Disney films that are staples in everyone's library. Though the film lacks the iconography of the more heralded Disney flicks and seems to have no problem painting the picture that all Southerners have rampant tooth decay and a love for Tobasco sauce, "The Princess and the Frog" remains an apt 97 minutes of Disney magic rekindled for a new generation of movie-goers.

B-

"Old Dogs" should be put down

PETA can blow me.

OLD DOGS (2009)

Picture this: You go to the movies. The lights go down, the film reel starts up.

Then, out of the darkness, a shadowy figure - one that looks a lot like John Travolta - comes along, unzips their pants, and lays a hot, steaming pile right in your lap. Not finished, the shadowy figure slowly turns around and lets a golden shower loose right into your eye sockets. And to complete this triple crown of bodily function doom, the guy bends down, opens his mouth, and projectile vomits square into your piehole.

That's about what watching "Old Dogs" was like.

"Old Dogs" tells the tail (get it?) of two annoying, washed-up actors who run a sports agency. There's an old dog, hot old women, piss-poor child actors, Seth Green, and other shit in there too, but it really doesn't matter because you're not going to watch this movie anyway.

Likely the reason why Bernie Mac died, "Old Dogs" is a miserable excuse for slapstick humor, one that falters in every sense of professional filmmaking. Though John Travolta and Robin Williams make for a more-than-impressive dramatis personae, no amount of starpower could save this trainwreck. Full of cheap gags and cheap humor, "Old Dogs," the Aldi's of major motion pictures, is an hour-and-a-half of sensory rape that no respectable human should be subject to.

F